Phil on his 50th birthday in the garden with the champagne on ice.
As a child Phil was always very shy. He was only really comfortable with his family and friends. Nevertheless he was obliged, usually by his mother, to attend certain functions, which he hated.
Birthday parties were the first things Phil was forced to go to – children’s birthday parties, which followed very strict protocols, including written or printed invitations. Phil absolutely hated birthday parties, especially his own, where he was forced to play the part of the host and had to meet and greet his guests (and their mothers). The parties – all organised by the mothers of the children – involved the ritualised giving of presents, playing set games, often with partners of the opposite sex and sitting down to a formal tea with fancy food. Phil always did his very best to get out of going to (or holding) these events but to no avail – they were mandatory.
Famously, much later, when his sister got married, he pleaded to be allowed to be there for “just half an hour” but was forced to attend the entire event. His sister Jane was already 7 years older than Phil when he was born, whereas his brother Steve was 5 years older (but at least a boy).
Another thing Phil hated was dancing classes which his mother had decided would be good for him. Phil was about 8 years old by then. This was ballroom dancing which necessitated the boys clasping the girls round the waist with one hand whilst the girls had to put one hand on the boy’s shoulder. Then they had to hold hands with their free hands. This put the reluctant Phil into this very intimate position with the girls, which caused him deep embarrassment. He dreaded dance classes and would do anything to avoid going to them.
Phil was really only properly comfortable with his father, his brother and his friends (mainly Pip at that time), with whom he felt a natural affinity. Women and girls, especially his mother and sister, meant him being bossed about, forced to do things he didn’t want to do and were generally to be avoided at all costs.
Many years later, when Phil and I were happily living together, apart from going to Pip and Pam’s, going to gigs together or meeting friends in the pub, we generally only participated in spontaneous events. Phil always fiercely declined any ideas of mine to ask people round for a meal and absolutely refused the idea of holding birthday parties for him, which we never did.
Of course, the flat was often filled to bursting with musicians because Phil held band rehearsals in our flat, which we had spent a lot of money soundproofing. Many people ate meals with us – sometimes the whole band – and we often had people staying overnight or for longer periods when we had visitors from overseas.
Fast forward to when Phil was approaching his 50th birthday: I had conceived the idea of somehow getting only his very best friends to manage to call round to our place at some point on his birthday, in a spontaneous, unannounced and unexpected way, to wish him a happy birthday to mark the event. I put the idea to Pip Pyle, Benjamin Lefevre, Doug Boyle, Jack Monck, Fred Baker and Henk Weltevreden, who all agreed they would come.
Henk was the first to arrive. He came, without warning, on the evening before Phil’s birthday!
I answered the front door. Phil was in his studio, probably wearing his headphones as he obviously hadn’t heard the door. Henk had Johanna with him and said he thought it would be ok to arrive early. Well, I didn’t think that was a good idea at all. You can’t arrive all the way from Holland without any warning and say to Phil, “I know it’s supposed to be a surprise tomorrow because its your birthday but we have come early” (it was about 9.30pm).
I thought on my feet, stepped outside and said, “You can’t come in ’til tomorrow. I’m taking you down the road where you can stay overnight. Come back in the morning. It’s supposed to be a surprise birthday party. Phil doesn’t know anything about it. That’s what a surprise birthday party means. Surprise him in the morning. A good friend of mine has a flat down the road, which she lets out. I have the keys. There is nobody there at the moment, but all the facilities are there so I know you’ll be ok and I will settle up with her later.”
They were a bit taken aback. The concept of a surprise birthday party was apparently new to them, but I took them down the road, let them into the flat and left them to it. Then I went back to our flat. Phil never realised anybody had called.
Next morning, the 22nd of January had arrived. It was Phil’s birthday. Friends of his just dropped in throughout the the day to wish him a happy birthday. Phil was delighted to see them. He suspected nothing. Although we had coffee, tea and beer, I hadn’t got anything to offer them in the way of a meal because I was pretending not to know they were coming. Phil called me aside at one point and said, “We should get some food in so that we can give everybody lunch. Why don’t you nip down to Sainsbury’s and get a leg of lamb?” Later, as more people arrived, he came back and said, “I think we might need a second leg of lamb”.
It was a really lovely day. Mostly everyone had brought their partners. Pip and Benj arrived carrying the most gynormous bottle of champagne. We brought the big extendable table in from the garden and I cooked us a big lunch with our 2 legs of lamb. We all got a bit merry. Phil was truly happy and enjoying himself. It was the best of times. He said: “It’s been so lovely, that you all came to see me today on my birthday. All my very best friends .The only person missing is Fred”. At that very moment there was a knock at the front door and everybody burst out laughing. Of course, it was Fred. It was only then that Phil realised we’d all played a joke on him and that he was thoroughly enjoying it. It was a really great day.
